Life is loss. Transformational learning means we are learning and growing from all of our life experiences all the time. Transformation comes with change; new things coming in while other things are left behind. Yet, throughout my life, I had learned to acquire things—but not how to lose them. At the very least, I did not learn how to work through the grief that accompanied each loss which is an inevitable part of change.

Looking back, I have had my share of loss – loss of my dad through separation, then suicide; loss of trust & safety; loss of jobs. The biggest losses came in 2002. I lost my son Sam in January and my daughter Tess in September. I was 20 weeks pregnant with each one when they died. I could not wrap my mind around it. How could this happen? Twice.

Even though I went on to have a baby the following year, I was torn between my sadness for the children I had lost and my joy for the child that I had. Our culture does not leave a lot of room for this contradiction. But here I was, feeling both sadness and joy – my heart was broken, and my heart was full.

What I know for sure: I am not alone.