Hitting the ‘Resolutions’ Wall

It’s said to take between 18 and 254 days to develop a new habit, so by this time of the year, people who set resolutions tend to be struggling. Even as someone who sets broader intentions, it can be hard to maintain over a full year. 

Despite how long it actually takes to make a new habit, we’ve collectively decided that the magical number is 21 days. And if we can get through those 21 days, we’ll be fine. 

However, beginning is only the first step to developing a new habit. It’s when you learn what works and how to make your way through setbacks. You can make modifications and adjustments. 

Once the habit is set—whether in 18 days or 254—the new habit becomes part of your identity. It doesn’t mean old patterns are gone forever, but they’re easier to identify and overcome. 

Given we’re over the 21-day mark in 2023, it may be helpful to understand where you are in the stages of change. If you set a resolution or committed to making a change, you may have moved from the decision point straight to action. If that is the case, you’ve missed a few steps along the way.

Pre-contemplation to contemplation

New year's changes are generally rooted in things that are considered a ‘someday’ goal. These are things that feel too hard or too late to change, which can make you feel stuck for a long time. 

For some people, change comes because it’s too hard to stay the same. So we think about changing. We contemplate what that change would look like. 

That moves you from the pre-contemplation stage to contemplation. 

Setting a resolution is the first tangible step. It’s the decision point. But, the next stage after contemplation is not action; it’s preparation. 

Preparation Phase

How did you prepare for the changes you are hoping to make this year? 

Preparation is the stage where you need to gather the skills and knowledge for success. Fear can wreak havoc on our desire to make a change, but good preparation can help keep fear at bay.

Do you have what you need to start strong? Ask for help or support at this stage to make sure you can be successful long-term. 

Joining the gym may be part of the preparation, but have you taken some time to walk around and get to know where the equipment is? Or booked sessions with a personal trainer? If that’s out of reach, what about a friend who is really good at fitness? Can they give you a place to start?

Preparation before making a change is key to the longevity of your goals. 

Action Phase

Action means you have prioritized this change in your life, and now you are making it happen. 

The most important thing is to take small steps each day toward the change you’d like to make in your life. It is not quite a habit yet, so you need to be prepared for setbacks and obstacles. 

This is new. It can take a little while for your brain to develop a new way of thinking. 

How you talk to yourself at this stage can help. That voice in our heads can be like our own personal performance coach. The more I tell myself, “You got this!” the easier it is for me to stick to my change. 

In this phase, I may also have to challenge the voice that says, “Don’t bother.” by exploring where that voice comes from and how to quiet it down.

You have to do something long enough for it to become part of the new you. People who make a lifestyle change are more likely to be successful than those going on a diet, for example. One is long-term, and the other is time specific.

Social support is important in this phase, and it may sabotage your efforts if you do not get it. Another risk is that we want to start seeing results right away. Remember: progress is what you want to measure. Outcomes may be out of your control. Remind yourself, “I can only control that I got myself to the gym, not whether or not I can run for 30 minutes yet.” 

Maintenance

Maintenance is the stage where the habit has been forged. 

Once you’ve been in action for a little while and the change is now part of your routine, it’s not something you have to think about as much. There may be new groups of people engaging in your new lifestyle, encouraging you to show up and have a positive attitude. 

The most important part of keeping this new behaviour going is knowing there may be things (situations, people) that trigger you to relapse into your old ways. You may get bored or hit a plateau. You may lose your motivation, or a life event takes you off track. Factor these potential setbacks into your plan for change, and it will be easier to push through. 

Maintenance is about the long haul. If you’ve fallen off, get back up. 

You got this!