Finding Yourself: Beneath the Labels

Imagine you could hit the reset button on your identity. Who would you be? During childhood, we focus on fitting in – understanding our role within the family and among friends. This need to belong is fundamental to our development. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, a psychological theory, belonging is a critical level in our growth, just after basic needs like food and safety. As children, our experiences shape how we see the world and ourselves.

We learn to adapt and take on labels based on our behavior and interactions, like being the “responsible one” or the “creative one.” These labels often emerge naturally and can help us navigate social dynamics. However, while they can be beneficial in childhood, they may become restrictive later in life. We often don’t actively choose these labels; they simply occur as we adapt to our environment. As we grow, it’s essential to recognize that these early influences don’t have to define us forever.

Breaking Free of Limiting Beliefs

Schools can exacerbate the labelling process by putting you into narrow, prescribed categories based on your learning style. Unique traits are often labelled (and sometimes even medicated) as disorders. For instance, a child who learns differently might be labelled as having a learning disability or ADHD. Over time, we start to believe what people tell us about ourselves, whether they say we are gifted, slow, or neurodivergent.

These labels begin to define us, shaping our self-perception and influencing our behaviour.

But, what if you could revisit your inner child or adolescent with the understanding you have today? You might realize that the labels you once accepted were actually adaptations to your environment.

For example, the ‘good little girl’ might have adapted to stay small and avoid trouble in a turbulent household. Similarly, the ‘athlete’ might have adapted to draw attention away from other issues at home.

We often over-identify with these parts of ourselves that adapted to fit in, never truly getting to know ourselves outside these circumstances. Labels serve as a way of sharing information and understanding the world, but they are not complete definitions of who we are.

To illustrate, consider the label of a chair. Just because I tell you something is a chair, and you have a good idea of what a chair does, you still need more information to decide where to place it in your house. Similarly, understanding a label gives you some insight, but it's not the whole picture. We need to dig deeper to understand our true selves beyond the labels.

Challenging Meaning Schemes

Meaning schemes are cultural ideas ingrained in us as we grow up. People before us made decisions on what certain things mean and passed that on to us.

For example, ADHD is frequently discussed these days. Although it can now be diagnosed in adulthood, it was historically seen as a childhood issue.

Originally called ‘hyperkinetic reaction of childhood,’ children were medicated as early as 1936. Recognized as a mental disorder in the 1960s, it was renamed ADHD in the 1980s. But, consider the original name: “hyperkinetic reaction.”

I maintain that ADHD is a learning style, often seen in people who need to move to think. The original term “reaction” indicates kids were put in abnormal situations, like sitting for long periods, and had a normal reaction to something unnatural.

This is what it looks like to challenge a meaning scheme. Although the American Psychiatric Association (APA) views ADHD as a disorder, I see it differently. This doesn’t mean medication isn’t part of managing ADHD/ADD. The point is that a diagnosis is only part of the story.

Understanding YOU!

For my clients diagnosed in childhood, adulthood, or through online assessments, I always strive to understand more about their individual experiences. A diagnosis like ADHD provides a starting point, but it's not the whole story.

For instance, I might ask clients with ADHD how they learn, when they experience inattentiveness or impulsivity, and how their executive function works. I also explore the strategies they use to complete tasks. These questions help paint a more complete picture of their unique experiences and needs.

Similarly, when I meet someone with anxiety, I delve into how and when they experience it. I want to understand what their anxiety looks like, much like the characters in "Inside Out 2" (awesome movie; you should see it!)

Knowing how anxiety manifests can be crucial in providing the right support.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the go-to therapeutic treatment for anxiety, especially for those dealing with intrusive thoughts.

However, anxiety can also manifest physically. An upset stomach might indicate not feeling safe or a fear of rejection. A heavy chest could signal self-doubt or feelings of inadequacy. A constricted throat might suggest past experiences of feeling voiceless. Understanding these physical manifestations helps in addressing the root causes of anxiety.

Whether it’s anxiety, autism, OCD, PTSD, the diagnosis is only part of the information necessary to understand you and your uniqueness.

The same applies to other descriptive labels like athlete, entrepreneur, Christian, queer, or introvert. These labels provide a general idea but can also box us into assumptions about the label rather than the person.

It's essential to remember that a label is not the whole story.

It offers a glimpse, but we must dig deeper to understand the person behind the label fully. Each individual is a complex blend of experiences, strengths, and challenges that go beyond any single descriptor.

Living Authentically

Understandably, people seek descriptors (labels) to help them understand themselves better. Labels can offer insight and comfort, especially when we realize others share similar experiences. Knowing we are not alone in our journey can be incredibly reassuring.

"I AM" is a powerful statement. However, there is a risk in over-identifying with labels, thinking they define all of who we are.

Living authentically means taking the information these labels provide, integrating it into our experiences, and deciding how to live from there. We are constantly learning and growing, and it’s important not to let labels box us into a story we may want to outgrow.

Our journey to self-discovery involves recognizing that labels and diagnoses are just parts of our identity. We should embrace our complexities, challenge societal meanings, and strive to live authentically.

This path allows us to truly find ourselves beneath the labels, understanding that we are much more than the descriptors we’ve been given. By doing so, we can live more fully and authentically, free from the constraints of limiting labels.