The Joy of an Unbalanced Life
What if I told you that work-life balance is a myth? We usually think of work-life balance as finding time for the important things in our life, beyond our job—like family, friends, hobbies, and managing daily tasks. In today's hustle culture, the demands on our time are relentless.
Typically, when we talk about work-life balance, we focus on work—how many hours we spend on the job versus how much time we have left for everything else. However, life is full of demands that go beyond our careers.
No one seems to feel truly balanced, do they?
A Glimpse into the Past
It's important to remember that the concept of ‘time outside of work’ is relatively new. During the Industrial Revolution, the average workday was 14-16 hours, with only one day off each week.
By the early 20th century, worker movements paved the way for the 40-hour workweek, which became the standard in 1940. It took another 40 years for the term "work-life balance" to emerge, largely due to women seeking flexible schedules and maternity leave while still managing household responsibilities.
I still recall the 1980s when women were told we could "have it all." That idea, as it turns out, is a myth. We can't have it all without sacrifices.
Beyond the Myth
Becoming a mother made me realize the myth of "having it all."
When my son was just a year old, I returned to school to finish my degree. We had a daily routine that allowed me to get my work done. However, at exam time, all bets were off. (We ate a lot of Mac n’ Cheese during exams!)
Balance was never the goal during that period of my life. I had to hyper-focus on my studies during exams, but I chose not to take summer courses so we could spend more time together. This experience taught me that balance isn't about equal distribution but rather about finding harmony over time—following the ebb and flow of life.
Yes, there is a 24-hour clock that controls us to some extent. Yet, most of life is lived in cycles.
The Seasons of Life
For centuries, people lived in sync with the seasons. Agricultural societies had times for planting and times for harvesting, each requiring different levels of time and energy.
Even in our modern, industrial, and knowledge-based society, we experience seasons in our lives. In our young adulthood, we may focus on education and career-building. By our 30s, we often add a partner, children, and a home to the mix, creating a very busy time.
It's crucial to enjoy the good moments as they come and to grieve the changes that inevitably occur. Day-to-day and week-to-week, we strive for balance to avoid burnout and maintain our relationships.
Strategies for Day-to-Day Balance
To maintain day-to-day balance, consider the following strategies:
Flexible schedules to accommodate traffic or daycare
Work-from-home days, if possible
Sharing household chores with your partner, if you have one
Setting firm expectations for children old enough to help
Understanding your temperament—introverts may need more alone time to recharge, while extroverts may need more social interaction
Since the pandemic, many professionals have begun seeking work-life integration instead of balance. However, integration can blur the lines, especially if you work from home. How do you set boundaries to ensure a clear break between work and personal time?
Recovery Time is Essential
Everything changed in 2020. The world shifted as we navigated a virus we knew little about. Along with the pandemic came protests, wars, and a sense of uncertainty. Can we ever return to the way things were?
While I don't have the answer, I do know that it was a time of extreme focus—whether it was figuring out how to safely socialize, working from home, or simply trying to stay healthy.
Many people I see today are experiencing burnout. The past few years have drained our resources and reserves, leaving many of us running on empty. Yet, life continued—weddings, babies, graduations, illnesses, and losses all occurred in the midst of a pandemic.
Many people feel they were robbed of these experiences.
There is no set timeline for grieving or recovering from a difficult experience, including burnout. During past wars, a period of recovery, or "convalescing," was common. Convalescing allowed individuals to grow strong again before returning to regular life.
Convalescing involved rest, fresh air, sunshine, exercise, and healthy foods. It was seen as essential to have time away from everyday pressures to heal.
Of course, not everyone has the luxury of taking a break. You may need to return to daily life before you feel fully ready. In such cases, managing and generating energy becomes crucial.
Balancing Energy
Many people find their work meaningful, which can make it hard to step away. Work can provide a sense of purpose and serve as a space for creativity and innovation. The same is true for family life—partners, children, pets, and parents all require our attention and can bring immense joy.
However, all these aspects of life demand energy.
Energy levels fluctuate depending on what is happening in our lives. Whether it's a joyous event like a wedding or a challenging one like the loss of a loved one, these moments require energy we may not always have in reserve.
Taking time to rest can help generate the energy needed to continue focusing on what requires our attention. But remember, balance isn't always about equal distribution. Instead, it's about ensuring that you regularly give attention to these four areas to generate the energy you need:
Mindfulness: Practice staying present in whatever you're doing at the moment without judging your thoughts or feelings.
Distress Tolerance: Work on increasing your ability to cope with life's challenges without relying on short-term pain relievers.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Develop relationships that provide strength and support.
Emotional Regulation: Learn to notice what's happening in your body and bring your energy down to a manageable level.
Finding Joy in the Everyday
Every day, regardless of what’s happening in our lives, we build memories. Life is full of expectations, challenges, struggles, and milestones we hope to experience. The most helpful approach is to embrace it all fully.
One day, we’ll look back on these times. We'll cherish the fond memories, recall the struggles we overcame, and wonder where the time went.
Whatever your life looks like today, this is your story. Find joy in the everyday moments by leaning in, knowing that one day, they will be memories from this journey called life.