I Hope You Dance!

Do you have unhealthy relationships with some of your emotions? It seems that, as a society, we tend to like some emotions more than others. Like family. We may appreciate them all, but also screen our calls (you know who you are).

Part of the problem is our labels – positive vs. negative emotions.

Regardless of how we feel about them (emotions or family), they are going to drop in unexpectedly. Even if you are pretending you are not at home. If we don’t let them in, they often hang around until we do.

Emotions will even take up residence in our body – pain in our necks (and other areas), lumps in our throat, heaviness in our chest. They can easily manifest into physical symptoms. You are better off letting them in when they first show up. Acknowledging them and giving them some space satisfies them. Releases them. How? 

Have an Emotional Dance Party!

Have you ever been in a sour mood and then your favourite song on the radio? In that moment, you are transformed. It is as if your emotions have decided to have a dance party.

I have been known to dance in my car.

If sadness shows up, there is nothing like a little Motown. Soul music combines blues and jazz. Maybe a little gospel in some of the subgenres. You just move your body to the rhythm.

For me, it is disco. At a time when my heart was full of sadness, I went to Montreal for a work conference. I spent Saturday night at a place called Funky Town. Abba was playing Dancing Queen and when I sang “having the time of your life” (on the lit up disco floor next to a red velvet couch and a flaming Sambuca), I realized that in that moment I was. The sadness was not in my heart for those 6 hours. My heart was on the dance floor, and I thought maybe, just maybe, I was beginning to heal.

If grief moves in, sway your body to gentle, soothing music. Chants or music with a vibrational rhythm that can restore your energy. It can release the build-up of stress or anxiety. It can settle depression. Chants have a simple melody and lots of repetition. For me it feels like a recalibration.

Chanting is also a form of prayer. Buddhist and Hindu traditions, as well as other Dharmic Religions, chant. There are Jewish cantillations. Catholics recite prayers. Regardless of your religions or belief, these things can be a way of connecting to something bigger than you. Grief is lonely. Being connected through simple, vibrational rhythms can be incredibly healing.

If you are feeling overwhelmed with the chaos in the world, learn to dance. Fox Trot, Swing, the Waltz – there are lots of rules in these dances. Following the sequence of moves can balance the disorder surrounding us. It is also a style of dance that is considered progressive coming out of the 20’s and 30’s. Following WWI, Fox Trot and Swing were styles that helped restore hope after a long period of hopelessness. Once you know the patterns of the dance, let loose on the dance floor. (Bonus: you cannot think and count steps at the same time.)

If the overwhelm you feel is coming from injustice or unfairness, dance to the blues. Blues music came out of the mid-19th century aligning with the ending of slavery. There is a groove that comes with the blues that may be related to work songs or spirituals. It has a call-and-response element that can bring voices together. Dr. King said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Compiling one voice through blues music can feel empowering.

If life feels like a total train-wreck – your partner left, your truck broke down, your dog up and died - you may need some country music. Whether it is Western, Hillbilly, Bluegrass, or Honky Tonk, country music tells a story. Today’s country music has a little bit of rock in it, which makes it catchy and easy to dance to. Plus, you can live vicariously through the singer taking a baseball bat to her cheating husband’s precious pick-up truck.

What about anger?

What do you dance to when you’re angry? Death metal? Punk Rock? Maybe something with a mosh-pit where you can slam-dance with other angry patrons? While moshing in a “Wall of Death” may feel like the exact right thing to do when you are angry, evidence shows that trying to release tension through physical force (beating something or someone with a foam bat, for example) is actually counter-productive.

In fact, a 1999 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that people who released their anger by punching a bag for 2 minutes showed additional anger and violence after the next incident that made them angry. Other participants who did nothing after they experienced anger were less angry (and non-violent) the second time. 

So, if you are feeling angry, try some easy listening. Something gentle. You may find that there are other emotions under the anger that also need to be released – disappointment, helplessness, loneliness. Dance them out.

The song...

I Hope You Dance was recorded by Lee Ann Womack in 2000 (listen here with lyrics). I find it very inspirational. Especially the chorus. As Womack sings I hope you dance, her back-up singers sing:

Time is a wheel in constant motion always. Rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.

Isn’t that the truth! Often, at the end of life, we realize how much time we have spent dwelling rather than healing, stewing rather than forgiving, sitting out instead of taking chances.

Life is both too short and too long to hold on to feelings that do not serve our higher self. Release the emotions and stories that are keeping you stuck or holding you back. Let them go. Dance!